What we know so far. The Ostrich Report

An RMW Schtick

#ecommerce The Ostrich report is the latest media output from us at RMW Commerce - though, like a bold child, we are not publicly talking about it, until now. Crafted and guided by myself and Hendrik Laubscher we ask some dumb questions like:

Who is at your door? Why did your dog bark? Should we edit that out. Dial in to hear the answers.

Here's what our own worst critics said, of ourselves.

In a stunning display of poor time management, questionable expertise, and undying optimism, we, your two overcaffeinated hosts, have recorded three full episodes of our Marketplace Podcast. Yes, three. Like The Godfather, but if Michael Corleone was really into B2B cross-border logistics and forgot to press record half the time. Olive Oil baby.

Here’s what went down in each glorious mess:🎬 Episode 1: The Origin Story Nobody Needed - https://lnkd.in/dp7gFnGR

Topics covered:
“What even is a marketplace?” (we googled it live on-air)
eBay, Amazon, and the philosophical importance of ‘Buy Now’ buttons
At one point, we compare Zalando to a German uncle who shops in bulk (??)

Dumbest moment: 💬 “Is Etsy like Depop for grown-ups?” No. And also… maybe?

🎬 Episode 2: The Great Cross-Border Casserole https://lnkd.in/dPvjMuPc

Topics covered:
VAT, customs, and the thrill of pan-EU red tape.
How Shein became the friend who shows up to your house uninvited but with excellent margin performance.
We claim “Europe is unified… when it wants to be” then instantly contradict ourselves.

Dumbest moment:

💬 “Should marketplaces just… be countries?” We are not legally qualified to answer that, and yet… we do.

🎬 Episode 3: The Platform Awakens
https://lnkd.in/d22cwdTm

Topics covered:
The TikTok Shop plot twist
First-party vs. third-party seller drama, like an ecommerce episode of Succession.

Why every SaaS company now has a marketplace (even if it's just Jim from sales uploading PDFs)

Dumbest moment:

💬 “Is Mirakl just Shopify with a beret?” We regret nothing.

🎧 Production Highlights:
At least one mic is badly positioned in every episode.
Our guest intros range from “off the cuff” to “off the rails”.
One of us was definitely eating during a segment (you’ll hear it).

👋 So why watch?

Because underneath the sarcasm, swearing, and structural chaos is a genuine attempt to understand the mad world of marketplaces. Think of it as Marketplace Therapy with the occasional insight accidentally dropped like a glass in an IKEA warehouse.

📌 Stream. Share. Cringe with us.

We’ll be here—asking the questions you probably didn’t need answered.

This Saturday we drop eBay - the takedown part I

We are now looking for sponsoring partners to join us - DM or mail us.

hashtag#ecommerce hashtag#marketplaces hashtag#podcast hashtag#retail hashtag#satire hashtag#crossborderchaos hashtag#retailcomedy hashtag#TheBigShortButMakeItB2B hashtag#platformsadness