The Ostrich Report -Week 4 The eBay Edition Part 1
A sonnet to eBay
The Ostrich Report, Week 4: A Love Song for a Platform That Ghosted Us
🎬 [New Episode. Listen Now]
Oh eBay, thou ancient temptress of the trade,
Whose listings once made hearts and PayPal swoon.
We sung thy glory 'fore Amazon did invade,
Now all that’s left—a dusty Deals tab strewn.
Thy Turbo Lister—curse its cruel lag!
Thy categories, like ghosts, do rearrange.
Still, thou art our first love, warts and all,
Even if thy homepage smells strangely... vintage.
In this week’s tale, Hendrik and I do pine,
For the days of Beanie Babies and DSL.
But mid our praise, we misquote half thy timeline,
And accidentally call Pierre "Phil" (our bad, farewell).
💔 Yet love is blind—and so are we—with no sponsor still to pay our fee.
👁️ Watch us stumble, sigh, and maybe learn... or not.
📦 We ask: Can you still sell your soul on eBay... and get next-day shipping?
👉 Hit play. Send us love. Send us sponsors. Or at least a decent offer with free returns.
Perfect. Here's Part 2 of your Week 4 Ostrich Report LinkedIn post—a fake eBay listing graphic description you can turn into a meme image or carousel slide (I can also generate it as an image if you'd like):
📦 eBay Listing Title:
🔥 Washed-Up Podcast for Sale – Lightly Used, Emotionally Damaged – Includes Two Middle-Aged Hosts & Zero Sponsors
💸 Buy It Now: €4.99
💥 Or Best Offer: Coffee & Validation
📍Item specifics:
Condition: Existentially Worn
Brand: Unverified Thought Leadership
Model: “The Ostrich Report – Deluxe Satirical Edition”
Hosts Included: 2 (slightly opinionated, occasionally confused)
Shipping: Free to all ears, slow to reach logic
Returns: No longer accepted by Shopify or reality
🧠 Description:
Once the jewel of marketplace analysis (in our minds), this semi-functioning podcast still delivers rants, regrets, and references to 2004-era eBay innovations.
Perfect for collectors of misplaced optimism and those nostalgic for Turbo Lister and feedback wars.
Comes with:
17 half-researched takes
4 Shakespearean quotes
1 suspicious “Buy It Now” button that links to a Wix site
💔 Sponsor Not Included
🎭 “A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows he should never mention Magento on-air again.” – William Shakespeare, probably
#eBay #MarketplaceNostalgia #TheOstrichReport #SatiricalCommerce #SponsorUsPlease #PierreForgiveUs #RomeoWasAFiveStarSeller